


Season 11, Day 35

by JudasComplex



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27129710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudasComplex/pseuds/JudasComplex
Summary: The game's been postponed, and our last-chance pitcher has some time to think before going to the mound.
Kudos: 2





	Season 11, Day 35

There's got to be thousands of pictures in his phone.

He's pretty sure no one has seen them. They're not really for anyone else. He had a friend back at Cornell to drew, but art's never been his forte so he takes pictures instead. Thousands and thousands of pictures of...everyone. Not just the Mills, though they're the majority of them. Any of the players he's interacted with, played against, watched play... Almost none of them are posed. He's never liked posed pictures. These are all candid and unnoticed, moments of joy, of laughter, of solidarity. Some going back a decade now, with players long gone...or some newly renewed, he thinks with a smile, scrolling past an old picture of Dom.

Thousands of memories, always on the sideline.

Riley keeps telling him to just _talk_ to them, because of course for them, it's just that easy. But it's never been that easy for him. The only reason he made friends with Riley was because they asserted themselves into his life and refused to leave. He wishes he had enough words to thank them for that, but he's pretty sure they already know. They've been there since before Cornell. They're probably not going anywhere.

And it's occurred to him, of course. What with the incinerations, with the feedback swaps...there's no guarantee that any of them will be around for the next game. And now with black holes...? Peace and prosperity is a joke. This is chaos...more so than usual.

He pauses, on one of the few photos with him in it. He's pretty sure Dom took the picture; that would make the most sense. And he knows exactly when it was.

_Garbage Day._

He bites back the laugh. Hard to believe it's been almost a decade since then. The picture is of himself and Thomas; the hitter looking calm and collected as ever, though Felix can see the smile in his friend's eyes, and Felix himself grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

It's been a while since he smiled like that.

There had been some good games recently. He's not convinced, but he's feeling a bit better about himself and the team...and whether or not he can hang on to that feeling varies day by day. But, as Riley keeps telling him, it's never going to get better if he doesn't try. What's the worst that could happen, they ask?

_They could ignore me. Shun me. And I'd still be here on the team, in the apartment, sitting in self-created silence._

_And what are you doing now?_ they'd asked.

And of course, he didn't have a good answer. He never did. They were the only one who had been able to cut him down that fast.

With a press of a few buttons, he navigates from the photos to the text messages. He's got so many drafts saved. So many thoughts half-written.

_Hey Thomas, I don't know if I've ever told you how much it's meant_

_Hey, thanks for being_

_I appreciate_

_\--_

_Winn, it's meant a lot that you_

_I'm glad we're talking more now, it's been nice to_

_\--_

_Penny, can you teach me just a few of your tricks, because if I pitch another game like that last one_

_I don't know how you stay so patient with me some times_

_You're a good person, you know that?_

_\--_

_Charla, if you ever feel like practicing, maybe we can both_

_It's been good having you on the team, maybe some time we_

_\--_

_Bendie, could_

_Hey, what are_

_\--_

_Andrew, if you have a_

_If you don't mind, Solis, could_

_Soli_

_\---_

The last one is new. He doesn't even remember what he was going to say anymore, but it definitely wasn't a good idea. They never are.

_I don't know I'm writing this, when I'm sure I'm not going to send it. But maybe I just need to get it out of my head for a while. I have to get it out before the game. I just... I don't know how you all make it look so effortless. All the easy smiles, the banter, the affection. The Mills is a big family, and I absolutely love you all, but I never really know where I'm supposed to be in it. You're all perfectly nice to me, and I appreciate it. Hell, just earlier today there was that one moment, where I really felt like part of the team. That you didn't mind if I called you Soli. It seems so small and stupid, I know. But it meant a lot. I know I'm not the most popular guy on the team. I don't need to be; I don't know what I'd do if I was. But it's moments like that...that make me remember to get out of my head and just be part of the group. How much of this have I brought on myself? How much do I keep bringing on myself? I know my social skills are garbage - ha ha, yes I've heard that before - and I'm trying to figure out what to do. But when you're the average looking 5th string pitcher of a five-pitcher rotation (well, six now, and I'm not sure I'm better than Leaf either) on...well, the New York Millennials...it's a little daunting. Not that you've ever felt that way, you handsome bastard you. All of you. Can you begin to imagine what it's like? Being around all of you all the time, with all these stupid emotions? I don't know what to say to you. I want to get to know you. I want to thank you for being a friend, no matter how distant that might be. I want to be able to walk up to you after a game, clap you on the back, and see you grin at me like I've seen all of you do to each other. I want to mean something to you. All of you. Something more than just being the last-chance pitcher. The one who used to be decent and now can't throw a strike to save his life. I want... I don't know. I love you all so much. I could never have dreamed of being a part of a better team. I just... I don't know. Just...keep being amazing, I guess. Because it makes each day just a little bit easier, knowing I've got the Mills there._

He stares at the phone, saves the draft, and turns it off, looking at the time just before it goes to black.

Time to get to the mound.

**_Game 2 of 3 - NY Millennials @ Seattle Garages  
Final Score:  
Millennials 3  
Garages 1  
  
The heavy underdog Millennials won the game!_ **


End file.
